D. Giovanni

Let's Start The Year Off Right

Thu, 01 Jan 2009 13:11:02 GMT

Last night, I dreamed that someone emailed me a fanfic drabble they wrote from the new project I'm working on. I'm taking that as a good omen.

I did finally get over my fear, and started typing up the project. I think I might die before I finish doing so. I didn't get 3000 words typed up, and my wrists were just aching. I still have a lot to go--I didn't even get through pink, which is where I started out at. Still, lots of words is a good thing, right?

More importantly, I haven't lost ideas or drive for this story yet. I actually got an idea for a new scene as I was falling asleep last night, and a way to change another one. So, I am just going to keep going, and working, and hope it stays good with me.

Don't Fear Mere Words

Thu, 11 Dec 2008 16:46:16 GMT

I really need to just type this damned mutant story up (tagged as "black hole" because that is what said bunny named itself. Yes, it named itself). My problem is that I am afraid to. I have something like a hundred pages written out by hand (not all that impressive. It's only a 6X9 notebook), and I'm afraid if I start typing it up, that I'm going to lose it.

Not lose the file (though that is in and of itself a valid concern, with as dicey as my home computer is), but lose the idea. I just...have this idea that if I start typing it up, and trying to do something real with it, the idea will die. That the file will just sit in my computer, and do nothing.

How do I overcome this feeling?

Untangling

Tue, 09 Dec 2008 00:01:39 GMT

Has it really been six months since I last updated this journal? Wow. Nice job keeping up on having a writing journal there, D. I'm going to say that I've been too busy writing to keep up with this. Yeah, that sounds good.

In any case, let me just cap up what's been going on: On the first of November, I got hit by a story idea. Now, I don't mean that in an "it came to me" way, so much as "viciously attacked me like a Detroit mugging". And the more I wrote, the more stuff just kept getting added to it, ripped from all sort of different sources.

I've been writing on it as much as I could, and have gotten quite a bit done so far. I was a little stuck with a character, though. Mostly because of his nature (obnoxious and talks in circles).

misskalloway most generously offered to do a little roleplaying session with me, so I could get into his head a bit more. She really doesn't roleplay, but is a fantastic writer, so I jumped at the chance.

All I had been expecting to come out of it was to understand his speaking and thoughts a little more, but what I got was much more. He finally told me a question I've been wondering an answer to for a long time. And knowing the answer to that started to drop so many other plot issues into place.

I'm not saying that it fixed everything--it didn't--but there is so much lined up now. I sat staring at my monitor for a long time, just feeling utterly stunned before I went to bed.

When I woke up this morning, I felt very peaceful, and went about my day. A few minutes ago, the story started to morph again. No, not morph. It went through mitosis. It wants another in addition to the one I am writing. A prequel.

I am going to try another session tonight with another character who hasn't been talking to very much, this time with blackjackrocket. I'm almost a little afraid of what will come of it.

All Good Things...

Wed, 11 Jun 2008 12:23:10 GMT

My writing streak is officially over. I was holding out hope for a while, but it's dead, Jim.

*Rubs face* how frustrating. I killed the original notepad I had, and was almost through another when all of my inspiration just went poof. I tried to write anyway, but nothing would come.

I'm wondering if I'm just getting bored with the scene I'm on. I'm thinking about just skipping ahead in the story, but I'm hesitant to do that, because I want to make sure I write the middle as well as the beginning and the end. That's one of my biggest problems with long projects--I have the beginning and the end, but it falls apart in between.

How 'Bout That?

Thu, 08 May 2008 18:44:53 GMT

About a week ago, I started working on a scene from Arcana. Mostly to get it out of my head, but partially because I wanted to write something.

Yesterday, I realized that I'd filled up more than half my little memo pad. Yes, it's just a small notebook, but it's gone beyond the short scene I wanted to do, and is still going. Once I realized this, I had two thoughts:

1) Damn, this is going better than I thought *touches wood*.

2) This is going to be a massive pain in the ass to type up.

Pain in the ass or not, I'm just happy I'm getting work done here. This part of the story is running away with me, and I am incredibly happy for it.

Completing the Cycle

Tue, 22 Apr 2008 13:52:56 GMT

I'm not a fan of Stephen King's work (mostly because I am too much of a weenie to read it), I agree with a great deal of his writing philosophies.

The one I was thinking of earlier was that he said writers must read, because it completes the cycle. Not to mention that if you don't read, you really aren't going to be able to write very well.

I haven't read much of fiction in a while. I finally picked up and started reading the three Jim Butcher books I'd picked up months ago. I devoured the first two, and am halfway through the third.

I feel filled up after reading them, more inspired. I also want to write fanfiction, but that's not the point. I feel inspired for my own original stuff. I wrote three pages on my Arcana story the other night, and I actually have an end to this bit of it that I'm working on. Not a lot of middle, but at least an end. I plan on working that today.

As long as I can stay awake after I get out of work.

We All Have Our Little Quirks

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 19:38:23 GMT

Something was brought to my attention last night by blackjackrocket:

Me: Yeah, I saw. That's why I came to give you a scene from Turquoise to write. Dunno how much help I can be since I'm not doing well with writing myself, but we'll see
Blackjack: ooh, that's all right
Blackjack: hey, you said "I'm" instead of "I am"
Me: *Blinks* I...yes, I did. Is that odd?
Blackjack: you usually don't contract those words
Me: Huh. I never noticed that.
Blackjack: I think it's left over from not contracting during NaNo, but that seems to be the only phrase you do it to
Me: I contract most words unless I am (hah!) pissed off.
Me: Huh. I guess I don't do "I'm" much.

I scrolled through the first page of my personal journal. I am I am I am, with only one "I'm". I noticed that when I went to type "I'm", it would automatically be "I am". I'm going to have to work on that.

Insofar as writing goes, I'm still feeling very stuck. I got a few lines yesterday, but I just sort of...fizzled out. I have a wall at home that has sticky notes with scenes I want to get to get written on them. They're mocking me at this point. I think I need to find some new block breaking techniques.

I Feel Like A Loser...

Sat, 29 Mar 2008 22:50:12 GMT

...but I could use help from you guys.

In the current project I am trying to work on, the individual characters have specialization in magical areas. My problem is, I don't want to do this totally cliched.

I've already included the classical elements (fire, wind, water, earth), power over the mind (ala ESP), demon binding (similar to summoning), and control/communication with plants or animals. Is there any other areas I could explore, without making it sound too lame or video game-y?

Well, That's One Problem Solved

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 22:18:04 GMT

Thanks to a suggestion by wolfgangmozart, I went to multilingual to see what Mihan means in Farsi. Apparently, it means homeland. I can deal with that being the meaning of her name.

So, yeah. Now I just need some more concrete things, and I can really get down to work. I still suffer from the probably of having no end point, though. I need to think more on that.

How Obnoxious

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 06:54:30 GMT

I was thinking about something for my Arcana story. A character appeared, and told me that her name was Mihan. I was more or less fine with that. However, I ran the name on google, just to make sure it's not Mandarin for whale testicle, or something like that.

Apparently, it's a Korean name. It's also a word in Farsi. I only know how to say "thank you" and count to ten in Korean, and know zero Farsi, so I've been trying to find out exactly what the word means in both langauges. I've had no luck. Neither baby name sites nor translator sites can tell me what this word means. I would like to let her have the name she wants, but I'd rather know what it means first.

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 16:30:42 GMT

I am not sure what to do with my NaNo novel. While I am going through and trying to edit the nitpicky things, I have no idea where to take it. As I mentioned before, I have no clear ending or anything.

I really like the characters, and some of the scenes. The story, however, seems to be going nowhere. I don't even have an outline to plot, because I have no idea where I am taking it.

I don't want to completely shelve this just yet, but it is looking like that may be what I have to do. I might end up cannibalizing elements of this for another story...but I am not sure what to do right now.

Something

Mon, 21 Jan 2008 17:42:52 GMT

There is something in my brain that wants me to write it, but I don't know what it is. It's nebulous, and moves away when I try to grasp it. It's getting very frustrating.

Thu, 17 Jan 2008 00:01:23 GMT

I apologize for neglecting this journal.

After NaNo, I haven't looked much at the novel I was working on. I printed out all 119 pages, but the problem is...I realized I don't have an ending. I have that problem with novels, I have discovered. I don't have a clear ending in sight, so I burn out and never finish. So, I have put it to the side, for now.

Last night, I was flipping through my MP3 player, just seeing what was on it. I came across the song "Showbiz", by Muse (I can send it to you if you want it.). Something hit me, and I just started writing.

I wasn't sure what it was while I was writing it. I am still not sure. I know it involved the characters I mentioned in the bit of boysmut I mentioned I was writing a while ago. It hit me sometime later on that I may have just writing out-of-character, abusive dubcon for my own characters.

So...I think I need another original project to focus on. I have scraps of the ideas I had before, but nothing is really interesting me right now.

Thu, 15 Nov 2007 05:37:51 GMT

I apologize for not updating for a while. I've been sick and busy with NaNo.

While my NaNo is doing well, that's not really my reason for bringing it up. As I'm working on it, I'm amazed how easy it really is to do 2,000 words a day (or more), if I just make myself sit down and write it. I might have to work out a schedule after NaNo for doing 2K words a day.

That's it, really. I just wanted to let you know I hadn't forgotten about this journal.

Beautiful Distraction

Tue, 25 Sep 2007 21:17:46 GMT

I have fallen into a trap. A deep, seductive trap. A time-sucking trap. This trap is called "research".

A while back, I started writing a story that is only called "Arcana". I liked it quite a bit, but got stuck for ideas. So, I decided to get some books from the library, do some research on related subjects, and see if anything sparked my imagination.

And sparked I was. But now I am drowning the the deluge of snippets and ideas swimming in my head. There is no way it would fit into one story. First of all, because the length make Tolkien hesitant to pick it up. Second of all, because there is enough for at least two completely different plots. Maybe three, if I'm talented enough.

So, instead of writing any of this stuff down, I just carted my ass back to the library to get more books. And partway through one of them, I realized just what I was doing. And yet, I still can't seem to bring myself to write.

I tried doing flashcards with scenes I have in my head ("intro to character x", for example), but even that isn't helping much. I am worried that part of my block is because with Nano coming up, I don't feel like doing anything.

Not really sure how to wrap this up, except to say, "arg".

Grr

Thu, 13 Sep 2007 02:05:20 GMT

I am cranky and sick and not working on anything. I feel totally blocked up and uninspired. I think I need a creative recharge, but I'm even out of ideas on how to do that.

Not much point to this, really. Just how cranky I am.

Tue, 04 Sep 2007 04:30:23 GMT

I'm...condensing. I don't know how to explain it other than that. Let's just say I'm condensing.

In the meantime, I want to share pieces of two poems with you. No, I didn't write them. But as haydenthorne said, they could be very inspirational. If not to me, then to you.

O rose, thou art sick.
The invisible worm
That flies in the night
in the howling storm

Has found out thy bed
of crimson joy,
And his dark secret love
Does thy life destroy.

--"The Sick Rose", William Blake

From thy false tears I did distill
An essence which has strength to kill;
From thy own heart I then did wring
The black blood in its blackest spring;
From thy own smile I snatched the snake,
For there it could as in a brake;
From thy own lip I drew the charm
Which gave all these their chiefest harm;
In proving every poison known,
I found the strongest was thine own.

--"Manfred", Lord Byron

Kiss Me, Kill Me, Love Me

Sun, 02 Sep 2007 05:13:58 GMT

My subconscious continues to slap me in the face with the giant one-eyed wonder weasel of inspiration. I am trying to deal with it rationally by just making notes of the dreams I have, figuring out what context I could use them in, and try not to get my goddamn eye poked out.

In less scary news, writing the way I am is not working. That is, writing in different scenes. I've always written straight through, and this seems to be killing my brain. vr2lbast suggested I try writing straight through again, and just adding the scenes I've already done once I get to them.

It's certainly worth a shot, since I have less than six thousand words in A Walled Garden, and less than three thousand in the novel that was inspired by aforementioned slappage. Considering I also haven't worked on anything original in several days, it's definitely worth a shot.

Dreams

Tue, 21 Aug 2007 03:07:56 GMT

I've been having a lot of interesting dreams lately.

The good part about that is that some of them would make interesting stories. The bad part is, all I seem to be doing is writing down ideas and worldbuilding.

I've almost completely shelved "A Walled Garden"--I already feel burned out on it. I'm not writing anything but notes these days anyway. I'm blocked up again.

Referring to the ideas I'm getting...I wonder if some of them will even have a market, if I do anything with them.

Wed, 15 Aug 2007 15:01:06 GMT

I finally got paid, so I rented "Wall Street" from the library. I am supposedly getting copies of the other movies I want from my exfiance (we'll see).

As I was laying on the couch watching it, I was thiniking, "damn, this movie isn't as sexy as I thought it would be. The villain guy is way too friendly". And then a voice in the back of my head said, "this is supposed to be for research, you freak!".

I haven't been writing anything lately, because I've been feeling like utter shit and haven't been sleeping well. Hopefully the stones will pass quickly.

Distractions. YOU Known The Kind I Mean.

Sun, 12 Aug 2007 11:52:22 GMT

I haven't been working on the novel much the last few days. This isn't because of writer's block or anything. No, it's because I got distracted by a boysmut story that was inspired by a dream.

I sat down and wrote out about six pages or so yesterday morning. That's six pages longhand--it's a miracle if I can manage to do more than four pages typed in one sitting. I'm not exactly sure why I am writing this, or what the hell I will do with it, if anything. I really think it's just going to be for my own amusement.

I suppose it's a nice mental break from the novel I'm working on, since I haven't found any of those movies you guys suggested yet. I've been a bit stalled since then. I'll probably rent them next week when I get my cheque, if I can't find people to borrow them from.

I Could Have Thought Of That...But I'm An Idiot.

Tue, 07 Aug 2007 21:17:19 GMT

In my last post, I mentioned an uncertainty about how one of my characters sounded, because I'm not familiar with upper-class men in their forties in my real life.

anais_pf suggested I watch movies, which should have been my first freaking thought. So, now I need suggestions. Movies that have guys with money (especially money and power) around the age of forty or so. I'd prefer serious movies. The first movie that comes to mind is Wall Street (the movie with the famous line "Greed...is good"). Any other suggestions would really help me. I don't watch a lot of movies, especially new ones.

3,318

Mon, 06 Aug 2007 02:12:01 GMT

Three thousand, three hundred and eighteen. That is my current word count into "A Walled Garden".

Working the way on this that I am feels weird. I am used to writing a story straight through, beginning to end. With this, I am working in scenes. It feels like I'm trying to put a quilt together.

I still have a lot of my nagging doubts, but I am trying to push them aside and just write the damned thing. So far, I don't think I am doing too badly *knocks on wood again*.

My only major worry at this point is how one of the characters sounds. I think I need to spent more time around upper-class men in their forties. I'm not really sure how to do that, short of becoming a callgirl.

...no, I am not becoming a callgirl just for the sake of my novel. I am not that much of a method writer.

Ours Is Not To Reason Why

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 03:37:51 GMT

In a book on writing I read (I'm blanking on which one at the moment), the author said there are four types of endings:

-The protagonist gets what they want, and is happy.
-The protagonist gets what they want, and is not happy.
-The protagonist doesn't get what they want, and is happy.
-The protagonist doesn't get what they want, and is not happy.

Makes sense, right? Pretty basic. My concern is this: How far can you take that "and is not happy" thing without screwing your readers?

In Stephen King's "On Writing", he said his original idea for "Misery" was that Annie, the psychotic nurse, ended up killing the protagonist and feeding him to the pig between the second to last and last chapter. He said it would make a pretty good story, but not a good novel, because no one wants to root for a guy just to find out the pig eats him between chapters. He has a good point. Were I reading that novel only to have the protagonist die like that, I would probably feel a bit cheated.

And for all these reasons, I cannot figure out how to end the novel I've been plotting. My original idea was for the protagonist to die, but that doesn't seem fair to my readers. Especially since it's from first-person perspective, and the reader will get a very intimate view of her feelings and thoughts. As the story progresses, I want things to suddenly go more and more wrong for her, but I need to know just how hard I can put the screws to this poor girl without my audience (and this is, of course, presuming I ever had one) feeling like they were set up to get hurt. And if need be, a believable way to have her at least pull herself up off of her face after she falls so far.

Revelations Of The Obvious Sort

Wed, 01 Aug 2007 04:47:23 GMT

The other night, I had an interesting dream that I thought could make a good story. After taking several pages of notes, I decided it was too much like Harry Potter, and abandoned it.

I was really pleased, though, because I'd forgotten how many times I'd been inspired by dreams. I was actually eagerly looking forward to the next night, because I was hoping it'd bring me another interesting dream.

After dreaming about being queen of the ferret people (which was even more screwed up than it sounds), and about trans-dimensional body switching that's activated by throwing packages of processed meat into a bathtub, I was once again reminded how often dreams are just brain vomit.

I had the latter mentioned dream a few hours ago. I sat mentally muttering to myself, wondering why I couldn't have more interesting dreams that could lead to novel ideas. Then I suddenly realized that my problem might be that I am thinking that way.

Ever since I started pushing myself towards original work, I have been set into the mindset of "what would make a good novel?", not "what would make a good story?". I need to remind myself that I can write short stories too, even ones that won't be for anything but my own amusement. I think I've been under the grip of Author Syndrome; I feel like everything I write has to be for publishing. I need to break this.